I am...

Every moment of one's existence one is growing into more or retreating into less.
-Norman Mailer

Many years ago, “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus”, said that men like to go into their “caves” and think. If your schedule is anything like mine, you aren’t able to do that very often so the “cave time” you get is sporadic. While reflecting on life, thoughts move from where I’ve been to where I am and finally, where I want to be. The successes of life bring a smile for one minute while thoughts of many failures stack up and cause twinges of embarrassment. I know that God must be disappointed in me because I am. The decision has been made. No more…

I am God’s servant
I am loving
I am strong
I am caring
I am God’s servant

The retreat is over; I will be what God wants me to be.

Good Friends

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.

- George Eliot


Being a child made it difficult to understand what a friend really is as an adult. We like to go bike riding or rollerblading together; ah what a satisfactory friend indeed! After gaining a sense of purpose and direction in life, I look back and cringe at the mistakes that I’ve made which inevitably goes hand in hand with the people I’ve hurt. Now I look around and realize a good friend is hard to find, because they are constantly right in front of your face yet we choose not to look there.

Who are your friends? Are they the people that you find most often agree with what you have to say? Can you talk for hours about how a certain political idea is so astute that anyone who dares to think otherwise is simply the most uncultivated brute of a person that has walked the earth? Yes I do have good friends as previously described, yet surprisingly there are many who are just opposite of that. I wonder if this has spoiled me or created unrealistic expectations for when I encounter new people? It is still foreign to me that Christian brothers and sisters accept the principle of we should only befriend those who agree with us. I have only heard few admit this out loud but have seen many portray this in their actions. How do you influence someone? How do you love them? “And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that.” (Luke 6:33) Maybe this verse doesn’t exactly fit in this context but it rings true to me.

Thank you God for all of my friends! Even the ones who see it differently…
Carpe Noctem…

Have you been "chewed out"?

If you're above the age of 3 I’m sure you have. High school football taught me many aspects of life that are critical to success long term and one of the biggest disciplines was how to take a tongue lashing while looking at the person straight in the eye with your face ¼ inch apart and say nothing. What I always thought was funny about this was HE always yelled at you for not responding; I experimented by responding once politely and the aftermath was much worse.

Today, I experienced something new. A WOMAN at another company crossed a professional boundary and verbally tried to kill me. Thank God my parent’s raised me right! I couldn’t believe the rudeness displayed by this “professional” who has been in this business 4 times as long as I have. In the end, I know that she was just threatened because she provided no value to our customer and I did, but how can I try and explain that to her?

What are your experiences? The times when you almost lost it? I’m sure that you are probably reading this blog way after it was published but even still, please respond and let me know!

For now, I will seize the night, because harsh words are spoken during the day.

Do you really think I'm capable of that?

Is there anyone else out there who is tired of hearing the question, "Do you really think I'm capable of that?" or some similar variation? Isn't everyone capable of wonderful and horrible things, no matter what morales they have, laws they respect, good deeds they have done, or people that they've killed. The question is not do you think I'm capable of something, but rather, do you trust that my refusal is the truth?

Unfortunately, good people do bad things, peace advocates cause deaths, and scary things go bump in the night. It can happen, yes you are capable, but be trustworthy.

For now, please seize the night, because I don't have the courage to write during the day.

This Blog

This blog is not going to be anything special. If you read it, I am honered you spent the time to look at the thoughts of an uneducated ambitious man. There is only one thing that is true which I can confidently say to you; there is a God, and I and not Him. All of my thoughts are imperfect, but if you can appreciate where I'm coming from, then perhaps we might learn something from each other. For now, please seize the night, because I don't have the courage to write during the day.

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